I need to take a moment to acknowledge Moses. I have just finished reading the first five books of the Old Testament: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. These are the books of Moses, who I would consider a father of Judea/Christian law. I was excited to read Joshua- because I don’t know much about him, other than he was a warrior. He was chosen by God to lead the Israelites to fight. It was nice to get a break from all of the heavy rules, doctrine, and spiritual stuff of Moses and just read about a plain and simple military guy.

But let me get back to Moses.

It seems like Moses lived a sacrificial life- a testament to Jesus. He was born into bizarre circumstances. He left behind the worldly life he could have had as the son of a king in order to better follow God and adhere to his calling. Throughout the entire first five books of the Old Testament, he’s basically acting as a medium between God and the Israelite population and he’s realizing what a stubborn and ungrateful people they are.

Here’s the thing. Moses feels for them. He is above them, because he is actually faithful and obedient to God, and yet he has compassion for them because he constantly asks God to spare them in a similar way that Jesus pled for us on the cross. Only, Moses decides to reason with God while Jesus appealed to his heart. Moses reminds God that if he kills the Israelites the rest of the world will think the God of the Israelites isn’t almighty and powerful and the one true God of the earth. God agrees.

Moses was no fool.

And I just feel sorry for Moses. I feel sorry that he’s constantly in the middle. I feel sorry that his people constantly disappoint him. I feel sorry that he’s all alone- and, yes, he’s with God, but it seems like he could really use some human Joy too. Like I really hope some of the people there were able to make him laugh while he carried around the weight of an entire nation.

And here’s the thing. He went through all of these trials and tribulations and the headache of dealing with faithless people and constantly having to encourage them without anyone but God to replenish his own spirit. He did this all for the hopes of The Promise Land. But he does something to piss off God, which I believe wasn’t even something he did directly, and God denies him entrance. He gets to see The Promise Land, but he dies before the Israelites ever get there.

After a lifetime of struggle, he just cant enter.

Granted, what God had for him in heaven was probably immeasurably better. But it just broke my heart to hear that he didn’t even get to celebrate with Joshua and the Israelites after all those years and all that heartache and all that effort. He literally sacrificed himself for the cause.

But Moses still loves God. He dies a strong and faithful man. He is not upset with God. He is happy.

See, Moses loved God unconditionally. And, to be quite honest, I envy that about him. I want to have the kind of faith Moses had. I want to know that I love the Lord my God with all of my mind, heart, and soul no matter what. I want to know that I could work my whole life for the Promise Land, never get there, then die, and love my God just the same as if I had.

I think I do. But thinking is not enough. I want to know it.

But it’s not enough to just love God unconditionally. I want to love people that way too. I want to automatically forgive instead of harboring pain or anger. I want to love the person who is unable to love me back. Love them, with or without being with them, with or without being enough for them, with or without being successful at reaching them. I want to just pray for his happiness. I want to just pray that he gets closer to God, fulfills his calling, and God’s perfect will reigns again.

But I also want to know what it’s like to have someone love me unconditionally too. Because he knows my spirit. He knows my passion and my fire. He knows my soul. And he knows that despite all of my flaws and imperfections, I have a perfect heart full of purity and love for God, for Christ, and for everyone around me. I would sacrifice myself, hands down, for the ones I love, just like Moses. I would be a middle-man to God, speak on behalf of faithless, ignorant people, because Jesus said in Matthew and Mark that they are like sheep without a shepherd and we should show them compassion.

But I also need to say that God is the master of unconditional love. He knows our souls more than we know our souls. He knows our needs more than we know our needs. He wants our souls more than we can want or desire anything on the planet. He loves us even when we are cursing him, deliberately sinning against him, blaspheming him, and doing everything in our power to be dark and unholy. He still loves us. He still fights to reach us. He still rejoices when we finally come to our senses, finally awaken, finally repent and transform.

***Because forgiveness without transformation is demonic. Because God knows our intention.

Because God will greet us like the prodigal son- with arms wide open- just waiting to run to us and meet us and celebrate our return!

And that’s how parents should love children. And if you love your child like that, no matter what, no matter how much hate or resentment they have towards you, that love will speak louder. Trust me. I hated my parents. I still know they love me. Rest assured. The truth will come out. Because there is nothing more powerful on the planet than unconditional love.

Tell me, what else on this lonely little planet is made in closer likeness to the spirit of God?

*

As a matter of fact, maybe God has intended to make my life a giant sacrifice. There’s an elephant in the room. It’s my weakness. I am desperate. Pride? I have no pride.

I’ll just come out and say it.

I might be better off as a Living Sacrifice. That way, I wont get in the way of anything. That way, I wont continue to get misjudged, misinterpreted. God can take me out in a blaze of glory. I can die doing his will, doing some sort of sacrificial good for him. Take a bullet on a mission’s trip, or something like that. Because I’m tired of nickel and diming my faith- nickel and diming my Christianity. I want to affect people on a global level- not just the people God puts into my path everyday. I have a burning fire inside of me and I cant contain it or control it and if I don’t let it DO something for God- I mean really DO SOMETHING- it’s going to destroy me.

And I just don’t know if the church can let me get there.

So, God, just take me out. Let me go out like Moses, except quicker. Like Stephen in the New Testament. Let my silly little life that has been full of pain before the glory of your presence actually mean something. Let it not be in vain. Let the struggle not be for nothing. Just do something with me so that I don’t get in the way of anyone or anything ever again. Put me in my place. Complete my purpose.

Like Moses, I will love you and those around me with the same passion for you unconditionally, regardless. Promise Land or no Promise Land.

But let me just say that there are evil, demonic forces out there looking to imitate truth and unconditional love. See, these evil beings study it. They analyze it. They try to copy it and get really, really close. They copy it so well that, in most cases, the receiver can’t tell the difference. The receivers can’t tell if it’s genuine or not. They love with their heads- all mind games- there is emptiness in their souls and hearts.

See, the best trick of Satan is getting us unconscious of his actions. The best trick is his ability to not only know and understand God’s truth, but mimic it so well that he has us worshipping a lie.

See, it’s just like Paul said in Romans 7- the holy law of God is used by the devil to arouse a sinful nature. You do wrong even when you don’t want to do wrong. It’s the sin inside you that does it. It’s not that the law that is unholy, it’s rather the sin that attaches itself to the law. Wherever there is great truth, great love, great Godliness, there is evil lurking in the corner, getting ready to steal from it, copy it, and twist and invert it into something less than its authentic, perfect, God-given form.

How do you tell the difference then? Search your soul. You have to really look beyond the surface. Dig deep. Examine it!

Only one type of love leaves you full of a feeling of total peace. You can feel it. The other is forced. The other leaves you wanting more. The other is 99% but not 100% fulfilling.

See, real unconditional love frees your soul- when you receive it and when you practice it. The other is a trap.

See, there is a battle of good and evil, God and satan, going on at all times and in all circumstances. Every blessing from God is an opportunity for satan to destroy. Half of the battle is being awake- being conscious to it. The other half is KNOWING, DECIPHERING, DISCERNING, which of it comes from satan and which of it truly comes from God.

And I just pray with all of my mind, heart, soul, that everyone I love is able to see and understand and obey God’s truth.

I need Jesus.